I know - I've been MIA....
Well, not really. I've been MIA from the blog. I've been very immersed in the rest of my life. So much so that the blog is suffering.
Like the rest of my life, the blog is in transition.
I know y'all think it looks like I'm not doing anything but I'm actually thinking a lot about the future of this little blog and I need to make some changes. I just don't know how to do it.
Literally - I hired someone to do a template for me and now I can't change it and I want to. So I'm looking into it and in the meantime I'm sort of mentally stuck. Part of the problem with being me is that this kind of shit just freaks me out. And so I'm stuck.
But trust me when I tell you that I'm giving it lots of thought.
In the meantime, I know y'all all spent all year looking forward to my New Year's Resolutions but I swear I haven't had many thoughts this year ....
So far, I've only come up with a couple:
The first is to learn to make pho (I found a recipe).
The second is to love my life more - even when it's hard.
I hope that you can glean from this blog that I wish to be grateful, to be full of gratitude and no matter how grateful I ever am, I don't feel like I'm grateful enough. So I'm trying to be more grateful this year, more in love, more engaged, even when its hard.
So thanks for stopping by and I hope you all had a lovely, lovely holiday season.
I'll be in and out while I struggle with this. Thanks to all who visit!
Happy Weekend, everyone!
Our thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by Hurricane Sandy. Please consider donating to the American Red Cross, supported heartily here at Chateau Bee Charmer.
Also remember that the time changes this weekend - an extra hour of sleep on Sunday morning! Yay!
Stay safe and warm. Much love and peace to you all.
Image: Winter Lights by Elle Moss Photography.
"Later she remembered all the hours of the afternoon as happy -- one of those uneventful times that seem at the moment only a link between past and future pleasure, but turn out to have been the pleasure itself."
F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the NightImage: The Incredible Lightness No. 4 by Chelsea Victoria.
I really love Martha Beck. I generally find Oprah's Magazine overwhelming but Martha Beck always has some words of wisdom that help me.
I really liked this piece, entitled 'The 20 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself.'
The one that made me really stop and think hardest was Number 16: How Can I Keep Myself Absolutely Safe.
'Cause I know that I can't.... and the doing so would kill me just the same - by robbing me of joy.
I know the compulsion to be 'safe' is enticing. But, really, it would have been safer to stay home (wouldn't it?) than it would have been to get on a plane to see Paris. It would have been safer to live alone and in complete control (wouldn't it?) than to fall in love and risk my heart. For that matter, it would have been safer to live in an underground bunker and avoid pollution, noise, falling heavy objects and ultraviolet sunbeams (wouldn't it?) than to have a home with lots of windows and light and corgi fuzz....
There are times when I get sick thinking about all the time I wasted trying to be safe. And I'm not talking about the time between my 'divorce' and falling in love with The Boy. That was necessary and productive time. I wasn't hiding from anything when I was 'single'. I loved it. I built a life during those years. A life that I loved. A life that I still love but that just so happens to have another, wonderful person in it. In many ways, taking that time for myself was the riskiest thing I did - because I had to trust it would be OK in the end.
So I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about all the time before that. The time before I was 33 years old. All the times that I did the 'right' things - the safe things. There were so many things that I didn't want to do but felt that I should do.
You can think back on your life and you always know the decisions that you made while you were lying to yourself.
I know, in my heart, all the times that I was playing it safe because I was afraid to live.
This is not to imply that one should live recklessly, impulsively, rashly or without thought or planning. But anytime you set foot out your door, you take a risk - whether you want to admit it or not.
And sometimes (many times) the risk is worth the reward.
Safety? Is there any such thing? And can you keep yourself 'safe' and lose your soul?
Image: Question Mark by Artretroposter.