I've been thinking a lot about discipline lately.
When I was younger, I thought that things just happened to me. I was born with a propensity to be thin. I was born with a certain amount of intellect. I was born with good hair and good skin and good teeth and good legs. I was thin and pretty and got good grades. These things, in my mind, just happened to me.
The fact of the matter is that we are all born with certain assets, certain talents, certain tendencies. It is up to us, however, to decide what we will do with those things and how we will use them to live our lives.
In my mind, the difference between being a successful person and not lies in the word 'discipline'. Katharine Hepburn once said that without discipline, there is no life at all. And I think she was right.
The truth is that discipline is not fun. It's not easy. It's not quick or convenient. Discipline is often tiresome and many times it is unpleasant.
For these reasons, 'discipline' has become an ugly word. When you say the word 'discipline' it conjures up images of spankings, or standing on the fence at lunch; multiplication tables and Brussels sprouts. Sitting still when you'd rather not. Saying no when you'd really like to say yes.
Like I said, it's not fun.
But there is no one, no where, who succeeds without discipline. Consistent, committed discipline in everything, from cleaning the house, to paying the bills to returning your emails, to sitting on the cold, dirty garage floor towel drying your sopping wet, uncooperative corgis, to vacuuming up after said corgis so that your rugs and your carpets and your furniture will not be destroyed by their hair and their dirty feet.
I want to be disciplined. It is a quality that I admire in others and that I crave for myself. I have both succeeded and failed in it's pursuit and really, it's more of a journey than a destination. But for the past 6 or 7 years, I've consciously devoted myself to it. And that has made all the difference in my life.
I have an acquaintance who describes himself, first and foremost as 'fun-loving". He's a fun-loving guy. He's uneducated (by choice), under employed, perpetually strapped for cash, stuck in a dead end job that he disparages but that he's damn lucky to have, living in his parent's basement and looking for love in all the wrong places. He's good looking and I think he hitched all his dreams to that wagon. But being pretty will not sustain you and since he doesn't have the discipline to take care of himself, even his looks are fading fast. He doesn't understand why successful, attractive women don't want him; after all he's pretty and he's so much fun.
It would be different if Mr. Fun were happy. But he's not. He's so not happy.
I thought about him the other day and I'm sure he'd say that he has no use for discipline, but we already knew that. Or maybe he thinks he has it, but really, he doesn't. He's too busy having fun to work hard for something else. And it never occurs to him (at least not that I can tell) that this is why he's so dissatisfied with his life. He thinks I fell ass-backwards into the life I have; I don't think it really occurs to him that I've worked for it. That my nose was in a book while he trekked to every beer soaked beach weekend he could get an invite to; that my salary is commensurate with the enormous amount of responsibility that I have. That I actually clean my own house.
I don't mean to put down having fun. We all want to have fun. But when 'fun' is all you have, then you have a problem. I hope this post doesn't read as me putting down my acquaintance or tooting my own horn. I fail (often miserably) at my best efforts to be disciplined. But I try. And my observations about my acquaintance were brought on by his continual unhappiness and I have no desire to judge or hurt him. I only wish for him to find what he's looking for, it's just that I don't think that he will. At least not on his present course.
My point is this: Getting my law degree was not fun. Getting up and going into my office when I'd rather stay in my warm bed on cold winter mornings isn't fun. Biting my tongue when dealing with clients isn't fun. Walking the Beans in the driving, freezing rain isn't fun. Saying no to Christian Louboutin because I have to say yes to Citimortgage isn't fun (and sometimes it's downright painful). Two bites of dessert isn't nearly as fun as seconds.
But the law degree pays for what goes on around here, as does the job that I'm so blessed to have, and the clients who sometimes annoy me. And the Beans have their own rewards. And as good as dessert is, it's just as good to feel good about myself and to feel healthy. And as much as I love a good shoe, I love my home so much more. It is my dream come true. And yes, sweet readers, the discipline, as much as anything else, has made all the difference.
Since I wish true happiness for everyone, I think I also wish them discipline. Now if only Hallmark will come out with a card.....
Image: Swing by JP Greenwood.
