Vacation!

I'm leaving for Key West in ten days.

I am very excited about this.

Partly, I'm excited because I've never been to Key West before and I get in a good mood just thinking about all of the streets I've never seen.

Mostly, though, I want to go somewhere warm and Not Charlotte where I can lay like a slug for a week.

Laugh if you will, but right now laying around somewhere tropical is my idea of a good time. I also suspect that cocktails, in some form, will be available.

Since I've got ten days to prepare I'm in official vacation training.

When you are a lawyer, there are two prongs to successful vacation taking: Getting Ready to Leave and Getting Out of the Office. These may sound alike, but they are actually quite different.

Getting Ready to Leave means that I have to pick up a bathing suit, a couple of blouses and some sort of a non-embarrassing bag to carry my laptop in. I also need to download some Jimmy Buffett, just because he seems like an appropriate Key West vacation soundtrack.

I also scheduled the bikini wax today because one cannot lounge by the pool with a "situation" going on down there, if you know what I mean.

Getting Out of the Office requires a little more finesse.

For one thing, I have to be a little sneaky about my plans because I don't want to tip off the law gods too early. If there is one thing I've learned over the years, it's that the law gods try to mess with you when you try to go on vacation.

Then, I have to clean all of the crap off of my desk (and credenza, that's the part that kills you) either by doing the work myself or, more attractively, pawning it off on unsuspecting colleagues. It also entails telling every single person that I speak to, think about or email for the next ten days that I am leaving for vacation. Laying the groundwork is key because people will remember that you're not going to be there and refrain from trying to call you while you're gone. It kinda works and to the extent it doesn't there is always the email out of office assistant and the ever useful voicemail greeting of: "Hi, I'm out of the office this week and am NOT checking my voicemail or returning calls. If you need immediate assistance, press zero and speak to my assistant or you can take your best shot and leave a message. Just don't say you weren't warned."