This Year's Girl

My friend, the darling, charming and wonderful Teresa picks a word every year as her sort of 'motto' which she calls her 'one little word'.  This year, her word is 'less'.  And I admire it and agree with it.  I know where she's coming from.

This post isn't really a commentary at all on her choice but really of my knee jerk reaction to it.

To the actual word of 'less'.

I was a little startled and I can't seem to let go of it. 

Honestly, when I first read her post the immediate thought that came to my mind was this:

"Fuck less, man.  I want MORE." 

That may make me seem shallow, but it's absolutely true.

I want more. Not necessarily more material things but just more life.

I have spent so much of my life saying "no" - taking less because I thought that it was what I deserved.  I have never really thought I had the right to want more.

And so, my life has often gone like this: 

No - I won't sleep with you, even though you make my knees go weak, I'm not that kind of girl.

No - I'm not going to eat any more chocolate cake - even though it's the best chocolate cake I've ever had.  I'm trying to watch my weight.

No - I can't go out and have a great time tonight.  I have an early class tomorrow.

No - I really shouldn't buy that blouse/sweater/new puppy.  It really isn't prudent at this juncture.

No - I really shouldn't do that, even though it looks so fun.  I might fail/look stupid/cause a scene.

No - I really shouldn't tell you off, even though you are a son of a bitch and you have broken my heart.  I don't want to be that kind of person.

No - I don't want another shot of tequila - it's really getting late and I still have to wash my hair....

No - I can't go study in Europe this semester, I don't really know anybody in Ireland.

No - I shouldn't go to her party.  I don't really know her and she probably won't like me anyway.  I'm not cool like all those people. 

No No No No No......  I'll just sit over here quietly and not cause a commotion - I really don't need any more.....

Well, I'm done with having less out of life.  I'm done with living less, having less fun, seeing less, eating less, loving less, just being less. 

Now this is not to say that I want to become an irresponsible, overweight, drunken slut.

That's not really what I'm getting at.  It's just that my reaction to almost any invitation, almost any new opportunity, almost any sort of intrigue or excitement, has always been 'no' to try to be happy with less.  I have always made due with less. 

This year, I want to say "Yes."

I want more love.  More joy.  More happy.  More curiosity.  More courage.  More cupcakes.  More time in the sun.  More knowledge.  More friendship.  And yes, I want some more shoes, too.

This year, I want more.

This year, I want everything.
Image from here.