Really?

This is the new 'Hold Court Quinn' from Kate Spade.....

They want $298 for it.

REALLY?  COME ON!

I think they've gone a little big around the bend on this one.

I Stand With Planned Parenthood

When I was younger, I was a little more vocal in my politics.  I think it's easier to be so on a liberal college campus.

Then I became a lawyer and decided it was more professional to keep my politics and religious beliefs out of my workplace.  I still think that's true.  These are often polarizing issues that have no place where clients and colleagues are concerned.

This policy has made it's way down to this blog but lately, I've been rethinking it.  I have begun to believe that there is a time to stake myself out.

Last week The Komen Foundation's decision to cut funding to Planned Parenthood flew all over me.  It once again solidified my belief that the so called 'Pro-Life' movement has very little to do with "life" and very much to do with an ultimate hatred of women and children.

Planned Parenthood does offer abortions - which happen to be legal in this country.  They also (I think) probably single handedly do more to prevent abortion - through education and birth control - than any other organization out there.  The answer to the prevention of abortion is not to make it illegal, although I suppose if that happened the 'Pro-Life' people could check that off their list and go back to the country club.  They certainly don't seem to me to give a wet slap about the very real suffering and need of millions of living, breathing American children.  Let's not forget that in addition to being anti-abortion the far right is also adamantly against their tax money going to help the poor. 

The answer to the prevention or elimination of abortion is to prevent unwanted pregnancy.  And that only comes through education and birth control - which, by the way,  the 'Pro-Life' movement also opposes.  If they truly wanted to eliminate abortion they'd be THROWING MONEY at Planned Parenthood.

But this post isn't about the 'Pro-Life' movement or right wing politics.  It's about the actions of a charity supposedly dedicated to women's health deciding that the 170,000 underprivileged women who they previously provided care for were apparently no longer deserving of support.  How's that for true commitment? 

The Komen Foundation's actions last week were baffling to me.  They resulted in 2 things in this house:

1.  A monthly donation to Planned Parenthood going forward; and

2.  Any money that I would have donated to Komen will now go to the American Cancer Society.  

I have emailed my feeling to Komen.  I'm done with them.  It may not mean a hill of beans to them in the grand scheme of things but I'm done.  And I'm putting my money where my mouth is from now on with Planned Parenthood.

When the Answer is No

So last week I had dinner with my darling friend, who is also single.

The thing I love about my single friends is that we can commiserate about our shared experience in being single women of a certain age and the shit we get from people who just don't *get* it.

How can it be possible to choose to be single?  Who knew that was even an option?  There must be something *wrong*.....

[insert shifty eyed, suspicious look]

During this particular dinner we talked about what we say to people when they ask "Why don't you want to get married?"

These people are looking for an answer.  They want us to explain ourselves.  And they make it clear that our answers will be evaluated.

My friend and I both laughed about the things we throw out to these people who want us to explain the (it seems for women) unexplainable.

When I came home, I started to download the new Apple software into my iPhone and as I did, I found myself thinking about my dinner conversation.

I realized that I have an answer for those who say "Why aren't you married?"

Here it is:

I'm not married because I believe in marriage.  I believe in it fervently.  And I believe that when you stand up in front of God and that company and make those vows, you should mean them.

Let me say that again.  I think you should mean them.  And not just today.  Today and forever.  Til death do you part.  

And I've never been willing to do it.

Not ever.  Not once.

I've never felt, in my heart, the love and commitment to another person that would allow me, in good conscience, to take those vows.   

In all honesty, the night I got engaged - he asked me to marry him, gave me a big ring and as we hugged each other I thought to myself "This will never happen". 

Because as soon as he asked me, I realized that I couldn't do it.

Or maybe the better answer is that I realized that I didn't want to do it. 

Now, I tried to talk myself into it (while simultaneously sabotaging it) for the next 18 months or so.  And frankly, I think he was doing the same thing.  And when we chose to end our relationship and not be married to each other it killed me.

I don't want anybody to think that that decision was easy.  And it was much more complicated than needs to be blogged about for both my sake and his.  It was a terrible and soul shattering experience.  In many ways it was the most awful experience of my life.  It was a divorce in the truest sense.  A cutting off.  A sundering. 

I praise God all the time that I didn't marry him.  But I knew it was the right thing.  It was the only thing. As awful as the aftermath was, I remember being so blissfully happy to *not* be with him anymore. 

It was really hard for me to understand it - then and for a long time after that.  I thought it was because we weren't 'right' for each other.

But then I started to understand that it was me.  It's always been me.  I've always been willing to walk away.  I've never wanted to be somebody's wife *more* than I wanted to be free.

See?  There's actually a reason this blog is subtitled "Surprisingly Single".  Really.  And nobody is more surprised about it than I am.

But it's what I want. 

Have I been lonely?  Yes.

Am I still lonely sometimes?  Yes.

Is my life an empty shell because there is no man in it?  No.

I realize as I'm writing this that I still have few answers to most of the big questions. I still hope to meet the guy who I will want to invite into my life and that he will want to invite me into his. 

But until or unless that ever happens, just take my word for it....  There are worse things than being single. 

Image:  To Have and To Hold by Stacey Winters.

Hi, John - How Are You Today?

OK

I know this is incredibly vulgar....

But it made me laugh - so hard.

And I know this little, short, annoying male lawyer who I already can't stand and from now on, every time I have to deal with him - although I will be nice - THIS is what I will be thinking in my head. 

Just so ya know....
Image from here.

This Year's Girl

My friend, the darling, charming and wonderful Teresa picks a word every year as her sort of 'motto' which she calls her 'one little word'.  This year, her word is 'less'.  And I admire it and agree with it.  I know where she's coming from.

This post isn't really a commentary at all on her choice but really of my knee jerk reaction to it.

To the actual word of 'less'.

I was a little startled and I can't seem to let go of it. 

Honestly, when I first read her post the immediate thought that came to my mind was this:

"Fuck less, man.  I want MORE." 

That may make me seem shallow, but it's absolutely true.

I want more. Not necessarily more material things but just more life.

I have spent so much of my life saying "no" - taking less because I thought that it was what I deserved.  I have never really thought I had the right to want more.

And so, my life has often gone like this: 

No - I won't sleep with you, even though you make my knees go weak, I'm not that kind of girl.

No - I'm not going to eat any more chocolate cake - even though it's the best chocolate cake I've ever had.  I'm trying to watch my weight.

No - I can't go out and have a great time tonight.  I have an early class tomorrow.

No - I really shouldn't buy that blouse/sweater/new puppy.  It really isn't prudent at this juncture.

No - I really shouldn't do that, even though it looks so fun.  I might fail/look stupid/cause a scene.

No - I really shouldn't tell you off, even though you are a son of a bitch and you have broken my heart.  I don't want to be that kind of person.

No - I don't want another shot of tequila - it's really getting late and I still have to wash my hair....

No - I can't go study in Europe this semester, I don't really know anybody in Ireland.

No - I shouldn't go to her party.  I don't really know her and she probably won't like me anyway.  I'm not cool like all those people. 

No No No No No......  I'll just sit over here quietly and not cause a commotion - I really don't need any more.....

Well, I'm done with having less out of life.  I'm done with living less, having less fun, seeing less, eating less, loving less, just being less. 

Now this is not to say that I want to become an irresponsible, overweight, drunken slut.

That's not really what I'm getting at.  It's just that my reaction to almost any invitation, almost any new opportunity, almost any sort of intrigue or excitement, has always been 'no' to try to be happy with less.  I have always made due with less. 

This year, I want to say "Yes."

I want more love.  More joy.  More happy.  More curiosity.  More courage.  More cupcakes.  More time in the sun.  More knowledge.  More friendship.  And yes, I want some more shoes, too.

This year, I want more.

This year, I want everything.
Image from here.

Politics and the Single Southern Girl

I'm taking a little break from the shallowness and the feel good frivolity that normally goes on around here.

Sarah Palin has been back in the news this week - and I can't help it - this woman drives me crazy.

I need to say that I do not believe that she was deserving of the allegations that she bears some direct responsibility for the actions of the young man in Arizona.  Clearly, he is disturbed and crazy people are going to do what they're going to do and he and only he is responsible for what he did.  Despite whatever mental illness he suffers from, his actions showed both premeditation and efforts to conceal his behavior - which indicate to me that he knew what he was doing was wrong.  And he deserves to bear the full responsibility for all of his actions last Saturday.

BUT -

There has been a lot of nasty talk flying around (from both parties) and Sarah Palin's rhetoric has been particularly vitriolic and full of imagery that should be cause for concern - especially since she seems to be at her party's forefront.  While she did not 'cause' what happened in Arizona - she certainly didn't help, either. 

We all have responsibility for the words that come out of our mouths.  And so does she.   And that responsibility is magnified when you have a national platform from which to speak.  Say what you will, her published ads placed a gun sight over Congresswoman Giffords' district.  It was ugly and irresponsible. And she shouldn't be surprised that people are calling her on it now.   And she isn't without some moral responsibility if someone listens to her and takes her words as some sort of encouragement or justification for their own ugly or violent actions.  

What drives me crazy about her is that I believe she is really symbolic of what is wrong with American politics.  She is poorly educated, poorly informed and poorly spoken, yet she looks pretty and panders to the lowest common denominator.  Style over substance.  Stupid cleaned up nice. 

This country has problems, folks.  Big problems.  And the solutions to these problems aren't going to be simple or easily condensed into one paragraph sound bites.   Big minds and big ideas and yes, big solutions that won't be easy to grasp are required.  And while I absolutely believe that well intentioned people can often disagree - and disagree vehemently - I think we should all remember that we're patriots and Americans and we all love this country.  And we should behave with a lot more civility and a little less verbal irresponsibility.

We will now return to purses and shoes and nephews and corgi dogs.

Should Fatties Get A Room?? A Guest Blogger!

Hi, everyone!

I'm Tonya's friend, Julie, from A Life with Walter.  Tonya asked me to be a guest blogger here on The Bee Charmer and I'm happy to oblige!

When I expressed an interest in guest blogging here,  Tonya suggested that I blog about my opinion on a recent article that appeared in Marie Claire Magazine.  

Maura Kelly wrote an article on Monday, October 25 entitled, "Should Fatties Get a Room? (Even on TV?)" and it was so offensive to me...so much so that I couldn't believe what I was reading when I read it.

It's obvious to me that Ms. Kelly has some of her own demons to bear when it comes to weight and weight issues, but it certainly does not excuse her comments about obese individuals. 

Ms. Kelly states, "So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair."

Excuse me?  She finds it offensive to watch an obese person walk across a room?  Additionally, Ms. Kelly goes on to say that she's got friends who would be considered "plump" and that she's not a "size-ist jerk" but her insensitivity in her article goes against what she says. 

Ms. Kelly reiterates a theme I hear a lot when it comes to various opinions on how to "fix" fat people:  Diet and exercise. She states,  "(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you're getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more." 

There are obese people who spend thousands of dollars in diet and exercise programs trying to change their size. Many also spend years in therapy in an attempt to get to the bottom of their inability to lose weight.  Size issues are much more complex than just not enough diet and exercise.  Just like Anorexia and Bulimia, an obese person's relationship with food is usually much more complex than just eating too much and not getting enough exercise. 
As a former obese person, I have been the subject of size discrimination.  I know of at least one job where my qualifications and experience were a fit for the job, but I didn't look like they wanted me to look.  Additionally, there is nothing worse than getting on an airplane, sitting down in the seat and having the person next to you make a derogatory comment about your size under their breath but loud enough for you to hear it.  If Ms. Kelly made derogatory comments about a gay person of color, she would have been summarily fired from her job and the magazine would have issued a formal apology and would be placing Public Service Announcements in their magazine about tolerance. 

Why is the standard of discrimination over people of color and "alternative lifestyle" choices different from a person who weighs more than what the national BMI standards say they should weigh?  How is it different?  Why is size discrimination tolerated? 

There was a meeting about this article, the editor/publisher told Ms. Kelly to voice her opinion on this subject, then reviewed the article and PUBLISHED it.  For a national magazine that has a monthly article about a large woman living in a thin world, it just goes to show me that they don't believe what they are publishing in their magazine.  There were many counterpoint articles all over the internet where the authors bad-mouthed the author.  I go back to what I said earlier.  Her issues surrounding weight are evident in this article.  What I do feel, however, is that in addition to Ms. Kelly, there are many others with similar attitudes about obese people and what I wonder is when size discrimination will no longer be tolerated.  

While I do not begrudge Ms. Kelly her opinion on this subject, I'm not sure why Ms. Kelly and the magazine felt that this was an acceptable topic to write an article about.  While I read the article as a person who used to be fat, I cannot even imagine how terrible it is for a woman who is currently obese felt about having her worst fears recognized. There were woman who read this article and said, "Oh, she's talking about me." And my heart hurts for the women who are having these feelings after reading it.

Image:  Barbie Kitchen by Nicole Houff Photography.

Celebrity Thoughts

*heavy sigh*

Julia Roberts needs a stylist.  And it's not like she can't afford it.  I mean, really.

If she's already over such an enormous betrayal after such a long relationship and marriage, she never loved him to begin with.  It's only been 4 months.  Geesh. 

*Ewwww*

Imagine your fiance and then some random guy you work with and then imagine posing for this picture with them. 

I must be getting old because I just find this vulgar, gratuitous and offensive. 

Rachel Zoe is several years younger than I am..... 

*heavy sigh*

She makes me feel like my Aunt Lieta, who had a burning need to feed you until you popped....  I just want to give her green beans (spiked with bacon grease) and cornbread.  

Texting in Heels

So I was on my way out of the Courthouse on Monday - walking along, black sheath dress, 4 inch heels, checking my email, minding my own damn business and I hear this voice call out -

"Don't text and walk, ma'am.  It's dangerous!" 

And I look over and it's one of the bailiffs who is working security at the Courthouse.....

First of all, I wasn't texting.  I was checking my email.  And the last time I checked, I am a grown person and it's not illegal to check your email (or text for that matter) while you are walking.  

And I thought "Who is this guy?  Does he think I can't work these heels?  Do I question his ability to use that gun strapped to his hip?  'Cause I know he's not chastising all the men walking out of here checking their emails..." 

I mean, maybe he was trying to be sweet in an ill-conceived Southern way, but I was ill with him.  

I just want y'all to know, although I may not be SJP, I know how to walk in heels and check my email at the same time and I've never hurt myself or anyone else while doing it. 

Modern Life

I think part of Ford's problem is that they need a new logo.  I remember thinking this was old and tired in like, 1973.

Now I really think it's old and tired.

I just can't take them seriously as a hip, slick, cool or cutting edge product when they're slapping this thing on the trunk of their vehicles.

That and the fact that I've never gotten over the Taurus or the fact that they took a Jaguar, made it look like a Taurus and then expected people to pay for a Jaguar.  Why would anyone want to pay for a Jaguar that looks like a Taurus?  Why? 

But back to the thing:  Ford, if you want to convince me that you're a player, hire a marketing company and get a new logo!  Come into the 21st century.

Taxes

So, I'm going to say something shocking.

And bear in mind that you don't have to agree with me on this.  But I want to say it.

Brace yourselves.

I don't mind paying my taxes.

*moment of silence to let it sink in*

I listen to people complaining about taxes.  And let's face it, they aren't fun to pay.  But I'm not one of those people who thinks that I don't get anything by paying them.

First,  When I turn on the spigot, clean, drinkable water comes out.  When I walk outside, the air is clean.  Armed gangs of thugs do not terrorize my city.  Our country is not constantly being invaded by foreign armies.  The streetlights work, the roads are paved.  When I flush, all that stuff goes somewhere.  I don't know where it goes.  I just know that it doesn't stay here.  Once a week, people come and pick up the garbage and take it somewhere else.  Again, I don't really know where, I just know it doesn't stay here.  I'm fairly certain, that if I called 911, the police department and the fire department and the rescue squad would come out to my house and help me.  We have, despite it's flaws, the finest court system in the world.  I went to public schools, including a state college.  Taxes paid for, or help pay for, all those things.

Taxes pay teachers, policemen and the men and women who serve us all in the armed forces.  They pay for the roads, the schools, some of the hospitals and all of the aircraft carriers. 

So when I hear people complain about taxes as if they get no benefit, it annoys me.

Second, it's my privilege to be a citizen of this country.  It is my great and profound privilege.  The flip side of privilege is responsibility.  I think it is my privilege as well as my responsibility to pay taxes to support our government.

Third, and maybe most controversially, I am not angry that a portion of the taxes that I pay may go to help those who are less fortunate than I am.  I know that there are sorry, stomp-down-lazy people out there who are drawing checks - I am, after all, from West Virginia.

But I also know that I have been blessed in almost every way.  And I think that those who are blessed should help those who are maybe not-so-blessed.  I think we should take care of the less fortunate because I am a Christian, because I am a pragmatist and because I think that that is what great civilizations do.  We should take care of them because it's right, even if it's not easy.  If my taxes help one truly needy child or one truly needy elderly person, then that's all that matters to me.
Image:  Colorful Swirls by Glimpses of Joy.

The Oil Company and the Damage Done

I had to stop to buy gas on the way home from my parents' house this weekend.

The BP was closest and the Shell was up the road.  I thought about it for a second, and then I chose the Shell station.

For a minute there, I though I started my own little BP boycott.   Then I did a little research and discovered that boycotting BP branded gas stations really only hurts the small business owners, not BP.

*heavy sigh*

At least it made me feel better about the whole thing for a little while.....
Image:  Cold Spring by Poofny.

Jackie

White Jeans.

Black t-shirt.

Big glasses.

No shoes.

No makeup.

No jewelry.

This is what I strive for.  This is the level of [insert appropriate word for fabulously effortlessly perfectly glamorously casually magnificently amazingly terrifically chic] that I want.

In this outfit, I'd look like a pudgy, unfinished, shrimpy little hillbilly.

But this is what I want. 

Do you think it would help if I had my t-shirts tailored?  'Cause, I'm to that point, y'all. 

In the meantime, I'm back with the workout program....

Oh, Really?

I love words.  And I love a clever turn of phrase.  I love slang and I especially love clever slang.  I love the way slang moves language along. 

There is one phrase, however, that has now passed into the vernacular, that makes me crazy.

It makes me cringe.

Every time I hear it, I kind of die.

When it comes out of the mouths of men, I never want to speak to them again.

Here it is:

"For real."

I hate it when people tell me that they are "for real" or that what they are saying to me is "for real".

I hate it when people ask me if I am "for real."

As opposed to what?

"For fake"?  "For faux"?  "For imaginary"? "For pretend"?

I was introduced to a guy a while back.  He told me he was a "for real guy".

Is that a polite, modern way of telling me that he wasn't a bullshit artist?

That he wasn't a lying, cheating pig who is looking to get laid?  

If you have to announce it upfront doesn't that kind of cut against your overall believability?

'Cause, I mean, if I hang out with someone long enough, I'm gonna figure it out - eventually....

Do you say that you're "for real" in an effort to circumvent the figuring out or as a short cut to actually having to earn someone else's trust or regard? 

And then there are the people who insert it into their sentences at every available opportunity, as in:

"For real, I told him that I was for real going to the store.  For real."

Do you really need to use 6 extra words to express that sentiment?  Doesn't "for real" just become a larger, longer, more laborious way to say "Uh"? 

I am prepared for those of you who wish to disagree with me on this, but I have to tell you, my hatred of this phrase shows no signs of abating.

Really.
Image:  A Real Life Boy in Venice Italy by Zombie Sugar Photography.

The "M" Word

Ever wanted to scare a guy?  Some overly helpful guy at work whose trying to tell you how to deal with your migraines without drugs because he knows more about it than your OB?  Or some guy at a bar that won't go away. 

Tell him that your starting to have symptoms of oncoming Menopause.  That's right.  Just throw it right out there, really matter of factly.

Men-O-Pause.

That'll shut him the fuck up.

The fact is that I'm over 40 and am entering the joys of perimenopause.  And I feel bad.  On several levels.

First, I don't want to do it.  I don't know why.  I guess in my head "menopause" is for old ladies.  You know, Bea Arthur.  I'm not Bea Arthur.  I'm still young and hot.  I shouldn't have to deal with this for another 20 years.  But you know it doesn't work that way.

Second, I feel bad because of the way I acted when I was younger.  When older women would talk about menopause, I'd give them this look.  You know.  The look that attempts to be sympathetic while you're thinking in your 26 year old brain "that will never be me."

I got that look a couple of months ago.  I've been having dizziness that I could not account for.  I just felt that my balance was off and given that my mother had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor I was feeling particularly hypochondriacal,  so I went straight to the internet.  I discovered that dizziness is a typical symptom of menopause.  When I mentioned this to the back up internist that I had to see because my real doctor was on vacation, her 26 year old, nubile little self gave me the look.

And I thought:  "Yeah, I know that look.  I've given that look.  You just wait.  You're gonna be wrong."

And then there is the fact that I feel bad.  Not all the time.  But I sleep with the air conditioning on 65 and there are nights that I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm just burning up.  Throwing off the covers and HOT.  I've never been hot in my life.  I sat through my brother's college graduation and it was 130 degrees in there and I was warm.  Friday night I vacuumed the living room with the air on 68 and I was sweating and hot.  I went and stood in front of the open refrigerator. 

And then we have migraines.  Not fun.  They are caused by the fact that my estrogen is now "plummeting" according to my OB.  She doesn't sugar coat this shit.  It makes me love and hate her.  

Then there is the insomnia.  It sucks.  I've developed a close, warm relationship with Ambien.  I don't like drugs.  I just wanna go to sleep.

And now I'm dizzy sometimes.

And it's only gonna get worse.

*Heavy Sigh*

At least my breasts are still spectacular.
Image:  Smoke 3 by C Lilly Photography.

Lord Help Us

You guys know that I try not to use this blog as a platform to bitch, but I swear to you that I am so sick of this woman that I could vomit. 

Bless her heart.

Thursday Night's Alright for Fighting

Yeah, I am not very inspired this week.

So I paid the bills this morning. I feel very happy about the fact that it is done and that I have the money to do it.

I also filed my taxes today, although I tried to file them last week but Turbotax had to wait for a form from the IRS. They didn't get the form until today. Those of you who know me will not be surprised to learn that I blame George W. Bush for this.

Also on my "W" list this week: Domino magazine is no more. Conde Nast has shuttered my absolute favorite magazine due to the economy. And you are exactly right that I blame George W. Bush for that. Further, Home Depot has closed the uptown design center due to the economy - Bush's fault. All in all, W's popularity rating here at the Bee Charmer's has plummeted to new lows. I don't ask for a lot but couldn't I just be allowed to read my magazine and shop for floor tiles in peace? Am I reaching for the stars here?

I had dinner with my dear friend over at Cantina 1511 on Monday night. Their guacamole is quite something. The Bee Charmer has turned into a bit of a guacamole whore lately so, needless to say, I had a good time. The margarita didn't hurt, either.

On the way out I had to stand there and wait because my friend cannot leave without going to the ladies room. While waiting and talking to another friend I had a close encounter with the Ex - who we call "The Love Maker" for reasons that are unimportant. He was with Mrs. Love Maker. That was really no fun. His head was bigger than I had remembered it.

It was awkward. You'd think that at some point love gone wrong might get less complicated, but it doesn't seem to be working that way for me. I have anger toward him, probably because I didn't tell him off properly when we broke up. I was trying to be an adult about it but maybe there is something cathartic to be said about spewing venom. He's just so smug and judgmental and I wish he would get his comeuppance.

I am also annoyed that I did not look like my most fabulous self. I looked ok but when one imagines these situations, one always appears as one's most fabulous self. And there I was with no lipstick on. What a drag.

My Personal Tragedy

I live in a city with no Ikea.

Did you hear that?

No.

Ikea.

I know, I know.

It's opening in February. People are planning parties.

Does that help me today?

I really don't think so.

My office needs to be redecorated, but I can't do it because Ikea isn't open yet.

My third bedroom needs to be finished but I can't do it because Ikea isn't open yet.

Ikea. Isn't. Open...... Yet.

Ya'll know I am bitter about this.

To Market, To Market

It has occurred to me that if Carrie Bradshaw had any scrap of reality associated with her HBO existence, we would have had at least one episode where somebody went to Target. Didn't these women need tampons? Toilet paper? Tylenol? These are the necessities of the mundane side of life. We can't all be fabulous all the time. At some point, the makeup comes off, the sweatpants are required and one has to stop blogging in order to prevent one's little corgi girl from eating the stuffing she has just ripped out of her expensive new stuffed toy from Target.

After much considered reflection and at least one very serious (if alcohol fueled) dinner discussion, the Bee Charmer decided that her kitchen garbage can just had to be replaced. Poor little thing. It wasn't clean, it wasn't chic, it was starting to fall apart - it could no longer be supported. Certainly Carrie Bradshaw never had this problem, but there you go. My biggest concern was how to dispose of the old one. It seemed wrong to just throw it away and I tried to find a way to recycle it. Apparently it is made of the kind of plastic that cannot be recycled. It's that old. So after tonight's trip to Target to get a new one, we gave our poor little old can a little funeral and sent it on its way and now we have a new, taller and cleaner kitchen garbage can. It was not made by Rubbermaid and I know that this will disappoint some of you. However, Target does not carry Rubbermaid garbage cans and I am not going to Walmart, not for ya'll, not for anyone.

A Few Little Things

Hi guys. Sorry I have been out of pocket. I didn't feel so charming last week.

First, I got a new phone last week. It is an LG Voyager from Verizon. I find it very, very cool. I took it with me to pick up my Beans from the Dog Spa on Saturday and when I left it unattended in the car with my newly married friend, she molested it. Yes, my friends, in her never ending quest to obliterate all references to her maiden name she went into my phone without my permission and changed her listing to her newly married name! She's reading this right now and I will tell you she feels no shame about it. She's proud of herself! Those of you who have known the Bee Charmer for a while know that I learn one name and that's it. I have friends from college, from law school, they have married and have MULTIPLE children but I still refer to them by their maiden names.

Second, as previously mentioned, I took the Beans to the dog spa this weekend to be buffed, fluffed and puffed. They were returned to me with ten pounds less hair and smelling like cinnamon biscuits. They are still sleeping it off because, let me tell you, the spa exhausts them.

Third, and this is just a personal observation, I am sure that if I die and go to hell, "The Little Drummer Boy" will be playing in the waiting room on a continuous loop.

Fourth, I will preface this by saying that I have no objection to filth as long as its witty. Having said that, if you haven't seen "I J*** in My Pants", go to http://www.hulu.com/ and watch it. Now. It's the Pet Shop Boys thing that kills me. And while you're there, watch "Obama Plays it Cool". Because that's what he is. He's Cool.

Fifth, JustJared posted pictures of Rachel Zoe in a spaghetti strap dress and I have to say that she's not thin, she's anorexic! It kind of scares me that she's sort of an arbiter of style because it's not attractive, it's not healthy and it's not to be emulated.

Lastly, last week I downloaded "Hope for the Hopeless" by Brett Dennen. According to Wikipedia, Rolling Stone named Mr. Dennen one of its "10 Artists to Watch" in 2007 and here I am, a year later, finally arriving late to the party. I find him groovy without being pretentious about it and I also like the nasal quality of his voice. I listened to "You're Gonna Miss Her" at least 45 times today but I like the whole album.