Hi!
I hope everyone had a safe and happy New Year's Eve.
I've been thinking about resolutions but I can't really say that I had resolved to do anything new this year, which is unusual for me because most years I have some on my mind.
Many people seem to use New Year's resolutions as an opportunity to give things up - you know, give up bad habits, all that stuff. My friend, Sarah, for example, is giving up soda.
I see no point in that. I've already given up too much. I'm not giving up my no calorie, caffeine free, saccharine enriched, carbonated water. It's probably bad for me but I'm just not doing it. You can have my diet Coke when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.
Other people decide to make such huge changes that they believe - if only for a few days or a few hours - that they will be transformed into Uma Thurman or George Clooney, depending.
These people are just destined for failure. You know it, I know it, they know it. I kind of like that people try, but I think these types of resolutions are self-defeating.
Instead of giving things up, or, you know, deciding to become a completely different girl, I tend to think about either new things that I can do or things that I'm already doing that I want to do better. But this year, I had nuthin'.
Then on Sunday morning, I was puttering around the house, thinking about resolutions and I remembered this page that I tore out of a magazine a million years ago and it used to hang on my refrigerator back when I hung things on my refrigerator.
It was called 'Be Happy' and I used to just live by it. So I dug it out of the closet and - voila! A resolution cheat sheet!! I got ten of them out of this little piece of paper and I'm going to be so bold as to suggest that y'all adopt some or all of these ideas as your resolutions, too.
First - have a sense of wonder.
Now, I'm not suggesting that we all hold hands and marvel at the pretty flowers and sing Kumbaya. We're all busy people here and I hate the Pollyannas of the world. But if you're driving home from work and you see a particularly pretty crescent moon, take a minute and be thankful for it. In my experience the 'huge' things that happen to us, good and bad, are by far outnumbered by the infintessimal number of tiny, little things - good and bad - that pile up over the course of our lives. I'd like to think that the good things have outnumbered the bad in my life, but I also think that most of the way you feel about your life is dependent on your point of view. And if you choose to focus on and remember all the tiny wonders that cross your path, I think that your life is happier. I think this resolution will help me keep my focus where I want it, so I resolve to keep doing it.
Second - read books and limit television.
I just wrote that while watching a rerun of CSI.
But I haven't watched TV all day. I spent the morning with my Beans and the afternoon with my friend. My life was enriched today because I turned off the TV. And I always want to read more and have been proud of my efforts over the last couple of months. So I'm going to try to continue to build on my progress.
Third - love your work. I think everyone wants to do this. Not everyone can succeed. I, personally, have made an uneasy peace with the practice of law. Since I figured out that I was never going to live to work, I deciding that I would have to be content with working to live. My work pays for all the stuff in my life that I do love, so I'm incredibly thankful for it - which I think is a form of loving it. It's not always easy and there are still days that I want to run away and join the circus. But I think the expression of love is often action, as opposed to feeling, so I show up, I do my best and I resolve this year to keep trying.
Fourth - exercise.
I've got to get back to the gym. I feel better. I look better. I sleep better. It makes me feel proud and capable and strong. I miss it and I'm going to get back. If you'll notice, I did not frame this goal in terms of drudgery, or major changes or even the desire to lose weight. I framed it in terms of the happiness that it gives me and I think that makes a big difference.
Fifth - face your fears.
Over the past couple of months I read a couple of books - one about mental illness and one about addiction. What struck me in reading both books was that we lead ourselves to miserable unhappiness when we choose not to face our fears. This one really resonates with me because I have been horribly, clinically depressed in the past and it's only now that I can look back and see that so much of this unhappiness was created by my own choices. The choice not to grow up, to hide, to avoid the pain and aggravation of my life. Whether you are drinking or using or crying out from your bathtub while living in the dark hole of your own depressed mind, you're making yourself miserable because you're afraid to stand up and face what scares you. Face your fears, head on, whether it's your mother's illness or the blowout on the side of the Interstate - as I have, strangely enough, in the past little bit. I'm putting this one in here because in spite of what I know, my first impulse is almost always to hide from and avoid my problems. But then I take a deep breath and remind myself that I'm OK, that I can do it. So I resolve to keep facing my fears.
Sixth - believe in yourself.
Oprah says that what you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe. So believe in yourself and become yourself. As far as I'm concerned becoming ourselves is our greatest life's work. So I resolve to believe in myself every day and I think I'm worth believing in.
Seventh - do things you're good at.
I love this one. It's a fun resolution and one you're destined to succeed at. Victoria Moran calls it 'playing your free square'. Often when I feel overwhelmed with work, I'll stop what I'm doing and straighten up my desk. I may not be the greatest lawyer in the world, but I'm a hell of an organizer. And I always find that I immediately feel better and often, it moves me away from whatever caused me to feel overwhelmed to begin with. I did something I was good at, and it gave me the push I needed to tackle the thing I wasn't so good at. I therefore resolve to keep doing the things that I'm good at.
Eighth - make the bed.
I put this one in more for y'all than for me, because I make the bed everyday, even though I don't always want to. But I mean it. Make the damn bed. And don't whine about the fact that you didn't want to get up to begin with or how busy you are and you don't have time. Everybody's gotta get up, you're not Prince Charles and nobody can stand to listen to all the people who have 'no time' for their shit - so make the bed. No matter what else happens to you that day, you start out with a small triumph and you come home to a calm bed. It's meant a lot to me over the years and I resolve to keep doing it.
Ninth - let your heart be your guide.
Listen to your little voice. I still struggle with this so I think it's worth a new resolution. Keep you're own counsel, even if nobody understands you and maybe you don't understand yourself. Listen to your little voice and do what it tells you - believe me, the world will not fall apart.
Tenth - be present in the moment.
This one is SO HARD for me that I think it merits a new commitment. I'm better now, but in the past I've often been miserable right now because I was too worried about what was going to happen 5 minutes from now. Frankly, I'd still be horrible at this one if it weren't for my dogs. Really. Puppies are wondrous teachers if we choose to learn from their example and one thing that dogs don't care about is whatever is going to happen later. They could really give a shit about later. They don't have anywhere to be, or any plans, they have right now and they suck every drop of happy, of joy, of taste, of smell, of love, right out of it. The taste of THIS bone, the smell of THIS spot, the feverish joy of running in THIS snow, the ecstasy of THIS belly rub. So I watch them play and sniff and love me and I try to learn from them. I'm happier and calmer and less anxious. Since it helps me, I keep trying to be better at it and so this is my last resolution this year.
So that's it.
The Bee Charmer's New Year's Resolutions.
I hope you find them useful or enlightening or somewhat amusing. If you want to snag a few, go ahead. I won't mind.
But I mean what I said about making the bed.
