Back when I was in high school and college, we used to cover our text books in brown paper, which we got by cutting up brown paper grocery bags.
I don't know why we did it - or maybe I just can't remember. I think it was just a cool thing to do for a while.
Turns out, it's now a useful thing to know how to do.
I found a really cool faux bois print wrapping paper over at Paper Source the other weekend and Saturday night I was standing at the kitchen table experimenting with covering some cookbooks; cutting, folding, measuring, cussing....
And I looked over and this little Bean was watching me. Beautiful, placid, curious, faithful .... mysterious.
If Finny is my well-fed, easy going, open book of a guy, Lola is my great unknowable country.
I ask her lots of questions, which she doesn't answer.
She keeps her secrets as well as she keeps all of mine.
I love her to distraction and she seems to love me back - but in an aloof, mysterious way.
Her kisses are timid, often coerced. Her snuggles are brief and often grudgingly granted. She doesn't hint. She isn't clingy. She may demand things from me, from time to time, but always for things she wants and when she makes demands she won't take 'no' for an answer. Most of my demands of her are met with indifference or insolence or very occasionally, with profuse apologies.
She is always, always watching me; afraid that I will escape her sight for one minute. But I can't hold her. She will sit beside me or lie on my chest for only so long as she wants to and for only so long as I don't try to hold her.
She covets my nearness, my proximity, the comfort of my presence. But she can't be held. Not for too long and sometimes not at all. Not by anybody, not even me.
I ponder the theory of Lola quite often, gazing intently into her deep brown eyes, trying to define her or understand her or unravel her. I take small comfort in knowing that if any person knows her, it's me. If she's willing to rely on anyone, it's me. If she's worried about anyone leaving, it's me. If she reveals any bit of herself to anyone, it's me.
But still, I wish I had more. And I suppose her refusal to give me what I want is what makes her Lola.
I can only abide with her, as she abides with me.
Tonya, I loved this post. It perfectly describes that wonderful and sometimes heart breaking relationship with a female canine. Thank you.
ReplyDeletewe used to use paper bags to make book covers because the teachers wanted us to protect the books so I think that was the cheapest way to do it since most everyone had bags laying around the house from shopping. To this day, I can still remember how to do it. funny when my kids were at school, it was hit or miss with the teachers who wanted a book cover versus those who didn't care. It was also fun to doodle on the book cover and then when it got all filled up to just make a new one
ReplyDeleteI never had a girl dog. Only boys. Lola almost seems like a cat in her aloofness yet definitely canine in that she does keep her eyes on you. Koda is a velcro dog, especially with my husband; he clings to his side
betty
Finn is very velcro. He is very open. He will tell you exactly what he wants, what he means. You never have to work very hard with Finn. Lola is just a whole other ballgame.
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