I hope you all had a good, long Easter holiday weekend.
I was a little "blah" all weekend. I blame PMS.
One of the new and exciting symptoms of PMS over 40 is insomnia caused by - who knows what. Suffice it to say that one is hot and cold at the same time. One's body aches in a vague way that manifests itself as an inability to get comfortable and that while one is incredibly tired and sleepy, one is still, bafflingly, awake.
I also was a little anxious all weekend.
Again, with the blame and the PMS.
Finally, on Sunday morning, I got up, cleaned the house and paid all the bills for the month. I felt better almost immediately. I think that my friends and my sister think that I am quite strange in my compulsion to sometimes clean. Zen Tonya really doesn't care about it. I figure that vacuuming isn't all that bad, as coping mechanisms go. Some people snort heroin. Some people binge and purge. I vacuum dog hair off the couch. It needs to be done and it makes me feel better. So there.
I also re-watched The Women again on HBO.
It's a bad movie but I really really want to like it. I like all of it's stars and I like the central story of Mary, who is trying to figure out who she is relatively late in the game. That part of it speaks to me. I like it when Bette Midler's character tells Mary to be selfish and that once you ask yourself what "I" want, your life will get better. I have to say that it happened to me. I quit trying to please everybody else and started trying to please myself and everything changed. And the strange thing is that by being true to yourself, you also become stronger, truer and better for everybody that you love.
Anyway, it's gonna be a big week at work. Lots of stuff to get done and not a lot of time to do it. I think I may be expecting too much and am therefore causing myself some undue stress. I guess I'll just have to go back to my fallback position, which is to do the thing that is right in front of me, do it as best as I can, and then move on to the next thing. When I do that, it usually works out alright.
Oh, and I'm gonna shut my office door, which allows me to get a lot done while contributing to my office mystique.
Image: Flower by Heather King Photography.