Nesting - And Other Coping Mechanisms

I had a morning yesterday.

And I wonder if sometimes I sound smug on this blog - like I know anything or have any insight or have figured anything out. 

Well, if anyone has ever gotten that impression, I'm sorry.  I haven't figured everything out.  Sometimes I think I don't really know anything. 

I mean, I have learned a few things along the way and I try to use them to help me and if possible to help others.

But yesterday I was reminded that my bullshit is still with me.  It's still there, just below the surface waiting to rear it's ugly little head and cause a weight in my chest and a feeling of dread for no good reason.  It will always be there.  Sometimes (maybe even most of the time now) I can make it lie down and be still.  But it's still with me. 

I wanted to draw the shades and snuggle down in my bed and hide from the world.  Of course, this desire was not compatible with my job responsibilities.

*heavy sigh*

So I put my lawyer clothes on and I took deep breaths and I went to my office and I practiced sitting with the uncomfortable.  And eventually, my bullshit did lie down and was still.

But man, while I was getting dressed (at the height of it), I thought "you still just don't know a thing". 

So I hope you've never gone away with the impression that I have some smug belief that my life has arrived anywhere.  I'm still very much on a journey. 

And sometimes the journey is more than a little bumpy.
Image:  Empty Nest by Integrity Studio.