I had a morning yesterday.
And I wonder if sometimes I sound smug on this blog - like I know anything or have any insight or have figured anything out.
Well, if anyone has ever gotten that impression, I'm sorry. I haven't figured everything out. Sometimes I think I don't really know anything.
I mean, I have learned a few things along the way and I try to use them to help me and if possible to help others.
But yesterday I was reminded that my bullshit is still with me. It's still there, just below the surface waiting to rear it's ugly little head and cause a weight in my chest and a feeling of dread for no good reason. It will always be there. Sometimes (maybe even most of the time now) I can make it lie down and be still. But it's still with me.
I wanted to draw the shades and snuggle down in my bed and hide from the world. Of course, this desire was not compatible with my job responsibilities.
So I put my lawyer clothes on and I took deep breaths and I went to my office and I practiced sitting with the uncomfortable. And eventually, my bullshit did lie down and was still.
But man, while I was getting dressed (at the height of it), I thought "you still just don't know a thing".
So I hope you've never gone away with the impression that I have some smug belief that my life has arrived anywhere. I'm still very much on a journey.
And sometimes the journey is more than a little bumpy.
Image: Empty Nest by Integrity Studio.