The Emily Post

I'm Southern.  It's true.  There is no escaping it.

It is my perception that non-Southerners view Southerners in a certain way.  We are considered stereotypically friendly, often backward, frequently loquacious and aggressively hospitable.  And as with most stereotypes, there is a certain amount of truth to this perception.  My Great Aunt Lieta, a very great Southern Lady, would meet you at the door, absolutely fall upon you with kindness and feed you until you popped. 

Etiquette, although by no means exclusively Southern, gets a lot of play down here.  It is very present in polite Southern society, owing as much to our perceptions of our most fabulous Southern selves as anything else.  All Southern women have a little dream of Scarlett O'Hara in their hearts.  I am no exception.

There are those who take another view of manners and etiquette.  Among certain segments of society it is viewed more as a carefully laid set of traps for the unwary, used as a club to make others feel excluded and inadequate in the name of propriety.

I think that's a load of horse shit.

The only purpose of manners, in my opinion, is to make others feel comfortable and welcome; to inject a certain amount of grace and gentility into our dealings with each other.   What I'm trying to say is that if you are sitting at your dining table like a spider waiting to shame and ridicule your guest for using the wrong fork, you've missed the point.

Etiquette and manners can be tricky, though, even for those with the best intentions.  Often, you just don't know what to do and this is when a book can be helpful, and Emily Post's book in particular.

I own Ms. Post's book of etiquette and it is often consulted.  I believe it is a book that should be included in all home libraries.  That way, if you've got a question, you can check.

Especially these days, in our world of email, cyber-relationships and long distance living, it is often harder to know the correct or polite thing to do.  As Martha Stewart has said, if there is something worth doing, there is a right way to do it.  Now, in terms of etiquette there may not always be an absolute right way, but there is most always a better way and Emily Post can help with that.

As I was flipping through the book today, I came upon a situation that I encountered last Friday.  I hesitate to say this because it's not a popular thing to say - but here it is:

I hate other people's children.

Not really the children, but the way the children are allowed to behave in public.  I don't know what parents are thinking.

Case in point:  I was trying to leave the Teeter on Friday and there were these two little girls, about 7 and 9, old enough to know better, who were rolling around, wrestling and carrying on in the floor at the front of the checkout lines.

Now, for those of you who have never been to a grocery store in Charlotte, North Carolina on the day before a forecasted snow storm, you should know that it's CRAZY!  PACKED!  PEOPLE ARE PREPARING FOR AN APOCALYPSE!! 

And there, in the middle of the madness, right up at the front of the checkout lines in the craziest of the craziness, where everyone is coming in and going out and shopping carts and just well, craziness, there are these two children, rolling around and wrestling in the filthy floor.  Adults were trying to get in and out and not run over their horrible, spoiled little selves and their mother, already half way out of the store calls for them and they both jump up and start galloping after her, not caring to run in the path of adults or shopping carts.  Both were completely unaware that there was anyone else in the world.  And then they both ran out into the middle of that busy, crazy parking lot, not holding hands, 10 feet behind their mother, not stopping to look.  (My mother (who, granted, was a little extreme) held my hand in parking lots and crossing streets until I was around 14.  Not kidding.)

Those kids were horrible.  They were in danger.  They were putting others in danger. 

I didn't know if their behavior was considered rude or if it was just me.  You know, most of these times, parents will pop up and say "You don't have children.  They're just being kids."

Where does "kid" stop and "rude" begin?

According to Emily Post, this behavior is most definitely "rude".  As she says "Children will misbehave in public.  Sadly, many parents simply ignore their youngsters' public tantrums and mischief and, intentionally, or not, expect bystanders to endure the chaos without complaint.  The vast majority of people will tolerate normal childhood behavior, but not parents who fail to act responsibly."

So there you have it.  Allowing one's children to wrestle in the floor of a crowded supermarket and then go play in traffic is, among other things, rude.  And although I resent and dislike the kid, it's a failure of parenting.

As special and beautiful and wonderful as every child is, the world doesn't revolve around him or her, even if their parents think that it does.  When children past the age of 5 or 6 go out into the world, they need to start learning to be thoughtful and considerate of others - and these children didn't even know the concept existed.  You could tell this wasn't a one time lapse, this was their way of life.  And the worst part of it is that if those kids had been hurt, the mother would have blamed whoever ran over them; and if the kids had caused someone else to be hurt, the mother wouldn't have acknowledged any responsibility for that, either.  I'm sure she's one of those "They're just being kids" people.

Well, kids are little savages.  It's up to parents to teach them how to behave.