Happy Monday

 

Hi!

I hope everyone had a nice weekend.  

Mine was lovely.  I did nothing of import.  I shopped without goals.  I cleaned the house and did the laundry and changed the sheets.  I painted a stripe down the hallway - a project that it's only taken me about 5 years to get around to, so you can imagine my sense of accomplishment.  I made myself dinner.  I walked and napped and took hot baths in my big garden tub.

The puppies were in a particularly delicious mood and I smooched them a lot.  We took long walks and enjoyed the weather.  On a whim, I bought them an expensive pet bed, which they have absolutely no use for.  That's the great thing about dogs.  They don't care how much something costs, they can take it or leave it.  

I found myself thinking about work a couple of times, with sort of a sense of dread.  However, I practiced not worrying, which is something my shrink taught me how to do and I have to say that it has made an enormous difference in the quality of my life.  

I am a worrier.  I come from a long line of worriers.  My Grandma actually won a gold medal in the bantam weight division of the 1928 Worrying Olympics, but we try not to brag about it.  She used to say that if she woke up in the middle of the night and wasn't worried, she'd lay there and think until she thought up something to worry about.  

I used to do that, too.  But then my shrink pointed out to me that I didn't have to let that part of my personality control me and I began to practice not worrying.  It was hard at first.  When you first start not worrying, you can only do it for short periods of time.  You know, whatever you are worried about will occur to you and you do your little mental exercise and put it off for 15 or 20 minutes and then it pops back up.  Gradually, you get to where you can do it for longer periods of time.  

I didn't really realize how good at it I had become until my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Now, don't get me wrong.  My first inclination is to say that I was worried but that isn't really what I was.  I was very concerned and did a lot of internet research on brain tumors in the cavernous sinus, but I have to say that I was not "worried" in the sense that I laid awake all night thinking about it.   I still slept.  I didn't come undone, although that was my first inclination.  If you can will yourself not worry about a possible life threatening illness, you can not worry about almost anything. 

So this weekend, when I thought about work and started to worry, I just decided not to.  And I didn't. 

But I think it's going to be a good week.  I'm going to a book club meeting on Tuesday night, even though I haven't actually read the book.  People who go to book clubs tell me that this is not uncommon and I figure if I can fluff my way through "Land Use Regulation" in law school, I can probably do a passable job at book club.  I'll just sit off to the side and drink my wine and say "I agree with Sarah" if anyone asks me. 

Image:  Solitude by Honey Tree .